Blogging – Hey Ma Am I Doing This Right??????

(SPOILER ALERT: there’s going to be some serious groveling in this post, I mean the kind of groveling that makes you avert your eyes because you can see my self-esteem rapidly eroding as I speak!)

It seems like to me that most people get into blogging because they have something to say. Whether it be about their own lives, the lives of others perhaps, it's just a hobby come to life. But they all have one thing in common, they all feel a need to share their voice with the world regardless of whether they become famous.

I too felt the same need, but that's where our paths seem to differ.

It feels like everyone who has a blog knows what they’re doing. Even if they only have two readers they just seem to know more than me. It’s like some secret club that I’m standing on the outside of but I can’t get it in. Maybe I can’t get in because I won’t stop doing some stupid spastic dance that I'm not aware of and it's making everyone inside a little scared of me :). but whether I’m the oddball or not; I’m not where I want to be, which is in there with them.

Not to sound whiny but I can see where I want to be and I definitely know where I am, but the bridge between the two wants, isn’t there and I have no idea how to build it. Don't get me wrong I'm doing my due diligence. I’ve reached out to some very knowledgeable people and they have really helped me, but in the end, I still feel as lost as I did when I first started.

I have a lot to say, and I don’t feel completely whole unless I’m writing but I seem to be missing the mark on how to connect with you guys. Or tbh, you; guy – side note: I think there’s only one of you who reads what I write and don’t worry I love you for it!

For those people in my life who look at me sideways when I say I have a blog and then blow it off like some middle-aged grasp at youth, you couldn’t be more wrong.

• So take this as my self-indulgent plea, my standing on the shore, just me and Wilson trying to find some way for you out there to rescue me, i.e........

READ MY SHIT! 😊

1. Hey, my three readers out there – How can I get more of you?

I have read books on blogging. I have paid for an online course on blogging. I have spoken to friends who are semi-successful at blogging (you know who you are, you ain’t Kardashian famous; yet!!!!), I’ve reached out and spoken to someone who’s building a very successful business in media. I have even had someone who does Marketing give me advice on what to do.

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’m not the brightest bean or it’s information overload but for everything I’ve learned – I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a messy room and I don’t where to start cleaning it up.

I’m missing something, and I have a feeling it’s in my writing. But without you guys and your feedback, I don’t know where to go from here. Believe me when I say this, I not unaware of the fact that I need you waaaaaayyyyyyy more than you need me and without you, my blog would be……. Right where it is now LOL

Obviously, if you’re reading this, you either really like me (debatable) or you were curious. So why did you decide to stay or what made you go? I would love to know cuz let’s be real; I’m not very objective. I think I’m fucking awesome!

Which leads me to my next point……..

2. Understanding my audience – So I’m obviously doing this wrong lol

You guys have want’s and needs and I’m all about your wants and needs. I want to hear about the things you love, the things you hate and even the things you refuse to tell anyone. But for the life of me, I just can’t seem to connect in that way.

It’s been a little disheartening, to say the least, and a little soul-crushing if I’m going to be dramatic about it, and this feels like a super dramatic moment.

I spoke to a friend of mine about my blog and their answer was “people don’t read”.

AWWWWWWWW COME ON! I know you guys read because I see a thousand comments on Buzzfeed all the time (should I be ashamed that I’m on Buzzfeed?)

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been asking the wrong questions. Instead, what I should be asking is what would make you read my blog, not, why don’t you read my blog? I had just assumed that if 2 people liked what I wrote than why wouldn’t 200?

So guys, here’s a question – What would motivate you to read my blog?

Should I speak more on being biracial, or being a woman, being homeless. Or am I not being authentic enough? Could I speak more to how I feel as opposed to sounding like CNN?

Which lead me to my next desperate and not very sexy point…….

3. Please speak to me – does that come off a little desperate? Asking for a friend

WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME????????? I just heard myself and yeah I’m a little desperate lol

This is going to be a simple one. I want to be better but I can’t seem to do it on my own, so here goes ………. "I’m just a blogger standing in front of an audience asking you to speak to me" (horribly paraphrased from Notting Hill)

Naturally the first people I should go to would be my friends, but for the most part (excluding a few amazing ones) they suck at this. They love me but I’m starting to think that Millenials are either afraid of confrontation or they have lost the art of criticism, and I don’t think it’s either of those. I’ve come to the conclusion that my friends are too lazy to read what I write – Not talking to you Amanda, Raven, Danielle* - I’m not sure anyone else reads my stuff :)

So if my friends are too lazy and you have like a few spare minutes and you REALLY love breaking someone’s spirit, let me know how I’m doing and what you think would make this better.

4. No one prepared me for days like this – Deadline pressure

I’ve had deadlines, but none have ever felt this important or debilitating. I went into this thinking that since I loved to hear myself talk and I’ve been told I’m a fairly decent writer I would have a ton of things to speak on, and in the beginning, I did.

But what I wasn’t prepared for was the pressures of a deadline.

At work I’m deadline-driven, I do my best work at crunch time but when I delved into something personal I got overwhelmed.

I have this friend and she has a successful podcast actually multiple and I see how hard she grinds and I’m so jealous of how she seems to know what the fuck she’s doing. She had ideas and she brought them to life.

But I’m on the outside looking in and I can’t see all the hard work, the years of grinding and the lessons she’s learned along the way. But isn’t it always like that? We are our own worst critics, we can’t seem to stop comparing ourselves to others without fully knowing their struggles.

What I’ve realized is that life doesn’t give a shit about my little blog, it’s going to happen regardless of what I think. What’s the answer? More hours in a day? I’m not sure that would help I would probably just watch another stupid movie on Netflix; sorry Netflix but you can’t bust out that much content that fast and think they’re all gonna be winners.

So instead

• I’m going to be kinder to myself during this first year. I’m going to allow myself to fall behind sometimes, re-create myself, re-create my space and my deadlines. Stop worrying about what others are doing. It's counterproductive and it's simply because I see other people doing something and I want to be successful like them.

• I’m going to allow the road I’m traveling to dictate the beginning legs of this journey and make sure to note the lessons along the way.

• I’m going to let myself be the student, and let you guys be the teachers.

5. The last thing I want to say is - CAN A GIRL GET A STAN!?