• B. Bean Will

Why Consent Is Still A Man's Domain


Up until recently, men have had the constant green light to act in abusive and toxic ways when it comes to women. But is that actually true?


When the concept of consent first started popping up, there was an immediate backlash. Imagine that people ridiculed and made fun of the idea that a woman's body was hers to control.


I mean, come on, people. The fact that many doctors still ask a woman if she has her husband's permission to get her tubes tied; speaks to the exact reason that consent is necessary.


For all the men out there that got vasectomies did your doctor ask if you had your wife's permission? Or did they say this to you, like they asked me when I got my tubes tied?


"Are you sure? What if one of your children dies? What then? What will you tell your husband when you can't have more kids?"


Seriously!!!! When did my children become shoes that I can easily replace by popping another one out?


I have a friend who has two beautiful boys, but the husband really wants a girl. Mind you, he has a grown daughter that he had no real relationship with. So instead of trying to cultivate a relationship with his existing daughter. He instead wants his wife, who is over 40, to pop out another one so he can "get it right." Before you even attempt to stand up for him, her doctor told her that she could die if she had another baby.


She reminded him of this, and his response was to continue to hound her.


Once again, why do men think they have dominion over a woman's body?



Growing up, I remember feeling not in control of my own body. Not because I didn't think it was mine, but because men and boys were consistently given the go-ahead when it came to invading a woman/girl's personal space.


I'll never forget walking into science class, and as I breached the doorway, some boy pulled my shirt over my head, and someone else grabbed my boobs.


Did I run and tell a teacher? Perhaps I went to the principal's office and reported the sexual assault? Absolutely not. That wasn't how the world worked. Instead, we all operated under the assumption that "boys will be boys," and girls just had to deal with it.


Being a female in high school was just about dealing with the unwanted booty grabs, boob grabs, being pushed against a locker by a boy,s body as he tried to convince you to "give him some." All of this was supposed to be met with a shove - if you were a good girl. Or a smile - if you were a slut.


And that's how women were categorized in school, good girls and sluts. Us females weren't above the bullying either; we participated because we bought into the idea that women were one or the other. It had been ingrained in our psyche since we were little.


I'll never forget when Madonna came out with her sex book, and it was so damn controversial. At the time, I was pretty young, so I didn't understand all the reasons behind the controversy; I honestly thought it was because she had sexy pictures.





I didn't understand that a woman dared to treat sex as something a woman had control over. Instead of it being something done to her, it was something she participated in and had a say in what she did and didn't want.


You know, like a fully formed adult would.


And this is the problem with why the concept of consent is still such a hot topic.


As a society, we still can not come to terms with an intelligent woman being in control of her sex life. I genuinely believe this is why people get so angry over abortion. It's not the heartbeat issue; it's not the "fetuses are babies" issue. It really boils down to the fact that women shouldn't have a say in their sex life. Society still believes the sex act is something women should be slightly resistant to and a reluctant participant.


And because of this, if a woman gets pregnant, it's her penance. Therefore she must have the child so that she can show the world that she had sex. Now when she chooses to have an abortion, she is going against the natural fabric of a woman's "cross to bear" when it comes to pregnancy.


You chose to have sex; you have a baby. You decide to have an abortion, you are choosing to control your sex life and its after-effects. And that's not what a woman has a right to do.


If people were truly, truly, about the concept of pro-life, they would also be involved in what happens to the child after it's born, but instead, they are pro-birth.


They want women to birth their very own scarlet letter. A consistent reminder that this woman had sex.


You don't believe me; take a look at the fact that we still feel bad for and judge single mothers. We always assume she was left in that condition rather than she chose to raise a child alone.


Now yes, many women are left like that, but a decent number of women would prefer to be single parents. It's the same reason single fathers are praised, and single mothers are judged and pitied.


It all comes back to consent and a women's right over her own body.





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